Sometimes this is great. One example: just the other day I was finishing a recipe and needed 1/4 of a cup of something. The only measuring implement I could find was a teaspoon. No math! Just Google. Google also taught me that when I run out of vanilla extract, coconut rum will work just fine. And then Google led me to a website that told me if I ate said recipe, I would be far over my recommended caloric intake for the day. Thanks a lot, Google.
Sometimes this is not so great. A few months ago I came down with what I'm *fairly* certain was just a common cold. But Google told me that it could be Cholera. Or SARS. I can only imagine the self-diagnoses that doctors are seeing these days.
Sometimes this is just plain entertaining. Particularly when the Internet becomes the audience, and the experts become the authors. The freedom with which various websites allow us to comment, post, blog, and write bestows upon the would-be journalist a semblance of credibility and sense of importance that comes with having not only something to say, but somewhere to say it. We can be Published! And people will read! An imaginary audience waits with baited breath on the other side of our keyboards.
(Of course, I know nothing about that...)
The Authors have all kinds of opinions on everything. It's amazing -- whenever I'm feeling indecisive or in need of validation, I just Google, and there they are. What should I wear today? (I'll stick with jeans and a t-shirt) Is it OK to pick your nose? (gross!) Are women always right? (I knew it!)
Yesterday I found myself reading what The Authors considered to be the most irritating human traits. I'm in trouble. Apparently I'm very irritating. These Authors warned me of some annoying and nasty habits that "can turn into monumental issues in [my] marriage." Uh oh... not only am I not supposed to burp or pick my nose, but I also can't use a fork as a back scratcher!! I also can't laugh at my own jokes, fail at map reading, or be afraid of horror movies -- so I'm pretty much screwed. And this Author agrees--bad navigation will be my downfall! Here is yet *another* Author who abhors my bad navigational skills. This Author doesn't like annoying ringtones...but surely the Knight Rider theme wouldn't qualify as annoying...right? So I think I'm okay there.
The consistency with which my embarrassingly bad navigational skills kept popping up in these blogs was a little alarming. I have always considered myself a pretty self-aware person, so how did I miss this massive irritant? I probably wouldn't have even written it down on a "Reasons Why I'll Drive You Crazy" list. So -- I asked myself -- what *would* I write on that list? So began my self-awarness exercise for the week.
10 Reasons Why I'll Drive You Crazy
(in no particular order)
1. I leave junk mail in the mailbox. I almost always get the mail as I'm pulling out of the driveway in the morning, and I can't stand when flyers and circulars junk up the car--so I pick out the important pieces and leave everything else there. Sometime at the end of the week I remind myself to grab it all and chuck it in the trash can on the way inside. My mailman hates me, I am certain.
2. I lie about food allergies. I actually am allergic to shellfish...but I loathe all fish. And I got so tired of people telling me that I *could* eat salmon, or trout, or snapper (or whatever other nasty scaly piece of meat that is nearly impossible to chew up that they were featuring that day) that I started lying and saying that I was allergic to seafood. Yes, all seafood. Also mayonnaise and mushrooms (because this tactic proved so effective).
3. Gross things go on your plate. Ok, so maybe I'm a bit of a picky eater. But that piece of chicken with the vein sticking out, or the fat off that steak, or the rogue mushroom has to go on your plate. I can't eat it, and I can't stand to look at it either. Take one for the team, would you?
4. Someone forgot to tell me I'm a terrible singer. I love music, and always found it incredibly unfortunate that I inherited none of my father's musical inclination. Luckily for me, that doesn't stop me from belting out my favorite tunes--in the shower, in the car, in public...venue is of no matter. I will serenade you, I will serenade you at top volume, and I will serenade you in public.
The consistency with which my embarrassingly bad navigational skills kept popping up in these blogs was a little alarming. I have always considered myself a pretty self-aware person, so how did I miss this massive irritant? I probably wouldn't have even written it down on a "Reasons Why I'll Drive You Crazy" list. So -- I asked myself -- what *would* I write on that list? So began my self-awarness exercise for the week.
10 Reasons Why I'll Drive You Crazy
(in no particular order)
1. I leave junk mail in the mailbox. I almost always get the mail as I'm pulling out of the driveway in the morning, and I can't stand when flyers and circulars junk up the car--so I pick out the important pieces and leave everything else there. Sometime at the end of the week I remind myself to grab it all and chuck it in the trash can on the way inside. My mailman hates me, I am certain.
2. I lie about food allergies. I actually am allergic to shellfish...but I loathe all fish. And I got so tired of people telling me that I *could* eat salmon, or trout, or snapper (or whatever other nasty scaly piece of meat that is nearly impossible to chew up that they were featuring that day) that I started lying and saying that I was allergic to seafood. Yes, all seafood. Also mayonnaise and mushrooms (because this tactic proved so effective).
3. Gross things go on your plate. Ok, so maybe I'm a bit of a picky eater. But that piece of chicken with the vein sticking out, or the fat off that steak, or the rogue mushroom has to go on your plate. I can't eat it, and I can't stand to look at it either. Take one for the team, would you?
4. Someone forgot to tell me I'm a terrible singer. I love music, and always found it incredibly unfortunate that I inherited none of my father's musical inclination. Luckily for me, that doesn't stop me from belting out my favorite tunes--in the shower, in the car, in public...venue is of no matter. I will serenade you, I will serenade you at top volume, and I will serenade you in public.
5. I am distracted by shiny objects. I'm easily distractible. I forget what I was talking about mid-conversation. I don't always finish what I start. I get sidetracked when
6. I own 42 plain white tee shirts. Ok, maybe 42 is an exaggeration--it might only be 38. I just can't help myself. I have a uniform -- blue jeans and a plain tee (not always white) -- and no matter how hard I try to spice this up, I end up back in the same thing. If I find a plain tee that I love, I buy the same one in 4 other colors--but I always have a very hard time passing up the white ones. If I want to be crazy, I layer two colors that don't match. Last week I put on a striped shirt...it lasted about 10 minutes, and I had to take it off.
7. Everyone is my friend. I include the waitress in our conversation. I ask the taxi driver for his life story. I make friends with the bellhop on the elevator. I adore people, and I want to talk to them.
8. I laugh at my own jokes. It's true, and I'm not ashamed. Sometimes, if I think of something really funny, I'll end up giggling so badly that I have to wait to share it. The world is a funny place, and I laugh at it.
9. I want a bite. If you have a problem with sharing food, it's best we don't become friends. Everything on your plate always looks tastier. And if you ask me beforehand if I'd like you to grill me a steak, or scoop me a bowl of ice cream (or whatever), I'll almost always say no. Then I'll eat yours.
9 1/2. Apparently I have a lot of food issues.
10. I can't decide if I'm indecisive, or if I just have a hard time with decisions. It's true--I am indecisive to a fault. When asked my preference on restaurants, for example, I usually respond with "I pick not having to choose." (Now -- this doesn't mean I don't have an opinion...because, as an an added irritation bonus, I'll still shoot down choices I don't like...) I often still "eenie meenie miney mo" in my head, and I think the Magic 8 Ball might be one of the world's greatest inventions. I rarely, if ever, shop online because there are no sales clerks to choose for me. (Thankfully, this works well with #7.)
So, Internet audience, there you have it. 10 more irritating human traits, courtesy of this Expert Author.
6. I own 42 plain white tee shirts. Ok, maybe 42 is an exaggeration--it might only be 38. I just can't help myself. I have a uniform -- blue jeans and a plain tee (not always white) -- and no matter how hard I try to spice this up, I end up back in the same thing. If I find a plain tee that I love, I buy the same one in 4 other colors--but I always have a very hard time passing up the white ones. If I want to be crazy, I layer two colors that don't match. Last week I put on a striped shirt...it lasted about 10 minutes, and I had to take it off.
7. Everyone is my friend. I include the waitress in our conversation. I ask the taxi driver for his life story. I make friends with the bellhop on the elevator. I adore people, and I want to talk to them.
8. I laugh at my own jokes. It's true, and I'm not ashamed. Sometimes, if I think of something really funny, I'll end up giggling so badly that I have to wait to share it. The world is a funny place, and I laugh at it.
9. I want a bite. If you have a problem with sharing food, it's best we don't become friends. Everything on your plate always looks tastier. And if you ask me beforehand if I'd like you to grill me a steak, or scoop me a bowl of ice cream (or whatever), I'll almost always say no. Then I'll eat yours.
9 1/2. Apparently I have a lot of food issues.
10. I can't decide if I'm indecisive, or if I just have a hard time with decisions. It's true--I am indecisive to a fault. When asked my preference on restaurants, for example, I usually respond with "I pick not having to choose." (Now -- this doesn't mean I don't have an opinion...because, as an an added irritation bonus, I'll still shoot down choices I don't like...) I often still "eenie meenie miney mo" in my head, and I think the Magic 8 Ball might be one of the world's greatest inventions. I rarely, if ever, shop online because there are no sales clerks to choose for me. (Thankfully, this works well with #7.)
So, Internet audience, there you have it. 10 more irritating human traits, courtesy of this Expert Author.
you should recycle your junk mail ;)
ReplyDeleteSo the real question is if the rogue mushroom is on my plate does it still look tastier because it's my plate?
ReplyDelete