It's not because of all the photo albums, or the impressive employment history listed out in their profile, or who they're friends with, or what celebrity pages they like. In fact, I can't say that I've ever really looked at the details on most of their profiles. It's because of the status updates.
Ahh, the Facebook status update. The "Headline News" of our everyday lives that is broadcast on the news feeds of everyone we're connected to. These simple snippets of thought almost single-handedly form my opinion of my Facebook friends. Through their updates I start to get a feel for who they are, what they like (and don't), their sense of humor (or lack thereof), and their overall personality and attitude. Often, this is a great thing. Sometimes...not so much.
I've noticed that there tend to be a few repeating themes among status updates:
1. Nothing Passive About This Aggression
We all have at least one in our friend list. This is the person who believes all interpersonal conflicts should be publicized, but is always careful to leave out *just* enough detail so that not every one of their Facebook connections knows exactly who they are referring to. She keeps these posts visible to the offender, of course, because the 14-or-so responses she's hoping to solicit to her "Can you BELIEVE that SOMEONE had the nerve to tell me [fill in the blank]??!?" are certain to make said offender think twice about ever messing with her again. Obviously she was right. All her friends say so.
2. Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
This friend is single. Still. Even since yesterday night, when he posted about how much more fun this concert would have been if he could have shared it with someone special. This morning he shared a photo from the "Lonely Hearts" fan page with a great motivational quote that had me totally convinced that he was single by choice because he simply wouldn't settle for a sub-par mate. But alas, this afternoon he's lonely again and would like to know if anyone wants to join him for a beer. And maybe speed dating. The most painful part about these updates? The fact that there are generally zero responses.
3. Jesus Loves Me, Yes I Know
Bible verses are ok (in moderation), but it's the "Repost this as your status if you love Jesus!" updates that get people blocked from my feed.
4. Viva La Revolucion!
I am actually very fond of my activist friends. I enjoy reading all the differing opinions, and the passion with which each side shares their own beliefs. I've learned a lot through updates about hot topics, especially politics, and there have been days when I've been completely out of touch with news, radio, or television and heard about a major headline via someone's status. But alas, some might do well to realize that they probably aren't going to facilitate a major movement for their cause via a status soapbox--in fact, often times their attempt at an informative call-to-action might be more off-putting than inspirational.
5. I'm Awesome and Now You Know It
I cleaned my ENTIRE house today, including a spit-polish of the grout around all 7 toilets right before I ran 8 miles in my awesome new workout clothes (you can see them in my album titled "Awesome Things I Bought - September 12") and didn't even mess up my hair. Now I'm homeschooling my 4 perfectly groomed children -- except that's really hard because they all already read at a college level (if you don't believe me, check out their test scores -- I posted them in the album titled "Awesome Accomplishments - September 12") and they all speak three languages. I think pretty soon we'll head out to the playgroup I organized at my church last week to swap recipes so I can come home and cook a four course meal that I plan to post pictures of (you'll be able to find them in the album titled "Awesome Food I Cooked From Scratch - September 12") for my awesome husband when he gets home from his 7-figure income job this evening. He loves when I do that. He loves everything I do, because he's perfect and we never fight. And he never, EVER looks at other women. Because I'm awesome.
It's the last one that puzzles me the most. I have to wonder how this person feels when they read the same type of status update from another friend. Do they buy it? Does it make them like that friend more? I doubt it...the underlying tones of one-upmanship in their own updates would indicate that any sort of success on the part of their friends spurs their competitive aggression. Why, then, are they incapable of understanding the power their own humility could have in interpersonal relationships?
I still remember one of my favorite status updates. It was posted by someone I barely knew (one of those "I think we might have had a class together in high school" friends) who may very well have been hacked. It said (loosely quoted from memory):
"I really love a good poop."
I instantly liked her more than ever. I started paying the same attention to her updates as I do to some of my favorite friends, clicking on her posted pictures, and generally just giving a f*** about what she had to say. I didn't care if it was a hacked update or not -- she left it there. She owned it, she wasn't embarrassed, and I thought it was hilarious.
I don't know why more people don't embrace self-deprecating humor. There has been plenty of research into this, especially as it pertains to the forming and maintaining of relationships. "Self-deprecating humor reduces tension and indicates a nonthreatening stance that puts others at ease." (Quote from this article) Overall, researchers have found that it makes a person more attractive to others. In my opinion, this goes beyond just romantic flirtations -- it makes anyone more attractive to me, in any sense. I admire the ability to laugh at one's self. I wish more people would stop trying to impress (or depress, or aggress...) and just take a minute to laugh.
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." --Elbert Hubbard
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